Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Either that or my job has done permanent damage to my heart. Not the one that pumps blood but the one that has feelings.
I love my job but I have to be able to separate my compassion for others from my duty to do my job. If you let the horrible stories I hear everyday get to you then eventually you won't be able to do the job. Now, I love my job, but the reason I have been able to do it for so long is my ability to be detached while I'm at work.
I just hope its not bleeding into my regular life. Now I know I come by the cold, calculating thought process naturally (you'll understand if you know my dad), but sometimes I feel a little "off", when I'm able to move past bad experiences quickly.
Like today, our new dog had a bunch of seizures and it looks like he has epilepsy. Jenny is of course distraught by the whole thing. I on the other hand observed the situation, made the decisions about what we needed to do and felt terrible about it for a while, but now I've moved on because I know there is nothing more I can do. I know it is a logical step to take but sometimes I really wish I "felt" more. Sometimes I wonder if all those feelings are just bunching up for a massive sneak attack at some inconvenient time in the future.
OK, I guess that's enough for today. Just had some thoughts running through the ole noggin and thought I'd put them down for your perusal.
1 comment:
i bet those emotions are in there deep somewhere, and they won't show until you win the Mitchum Man of the Year award and then you'll be flooded with emotions and unaware of your actions will actually "fan" the tears from your eyes like a beauty queen.
and i'll love you just the same!
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