Inappropriate Question of the Day

Why can't guys pee in a freaking urinal?


OK, I hope that got your attentions, but seriously, what excuse is there for a man to ever miss when he's going in the mens room. I mean they made a freaking toilet that hangs on the wall at the precise height for the transaction, and yet I still walk into the men's room at work at least once a week to find that somehow, someone has managed to leave some on the floor.

Sorry about that but I'm really starting to get mad about this. (and yes I almost said it was pissing me off but I thought better of it)

So anyway, I got to go to the ER last week. Fun times. I won't joke too much about this since my blood pressure was around 190/140. They got it down that day but I think the last little bit of my childhood died last Tuesday since I am now a proud daily pill taker. But I guess it's a small price to pay for my health.

But it was a pretty severe kick in the backside. Having a doctor tell you that at the current rate I wouldn't live to see my as yet unborn kids graduate high school will open your eyes pretty darn quick. I started weight watchers and have lost about 20 lbs so far this year but that was a real wakeup call for me. Hopefully this time I'll stay on board and get all this extra damn weight off.


OK, enough serious crap. I need something that will make me laugh.

And I'm thinking your reaction to this picture ought to do it.

My 4

4 jobs I have had in my life:

1. Insurance Adjuster
2. Butcher
3. Line Cook
4. Pulling Cable for a high school computer network

Four movies I would watch over and over (or have watched over and over):

I would like to file a formal protest against whoever only let me pick 4!

1. Star Wars (That's not a moon, it's a space station!)
2. Top Gun (She's lost that lovin feeling....No she hasn't....yes, she's lost it.......I hate it when she does that)
3. The Jerk (Die Gas Pumper!)
4. The Godfather (Take the gun, leave the canoli)

Four places I have lived:

1. Columbia, SC (does it count if I was too young to remember?)
2. Grand Rapids, MI
3. Warner Robins, GA
4. Stone Mountain, GA

Four TV shows that I watch:

1. Lost
2. Criminal Minds
3. The Enhanced episode of Lost at 8:00 pm EST
4. The Office (I do NOT love Jim. He is the bane of our existence. He wouldn't know genuine sales talent if it sat right next to him......which it does)

Four places I have been:

1. Jamaica
2. Universal Studios
3. Todd's House
4. The Minneapolis airport!

Four people who email (or call) me regularly (in no particular order):

1. Jenny (she keeps me company at work)
2. Chris (he makes sure I don't miss any important articles, you know about sports or Star Trek or the Dark Knight)
3. AT&T (they keep asking for money)
4. Doug (if for no other reason than to discuss the latest PA strip)

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Roasted Chicken
2. Bonefish Grille's shrimp and sea scallops!
3. My secret recipe hamburgers
4. Heavily malted barley brewed to bring out a hint of chocolate and served with a quick shot of NO2 and allowed to settle gently in a pint glass.

Four places I would like to be right now:

1. Anywhere but Michigan
2. Not in Michigan
3. No longer in the Great Lakes state
4. Ireland

Four things I am looking forward to this year:

1. A sunny day
2. A warm day
3. Golf
4. Going to Florida for Christmas (where it is warm and it's not Michigan)

Four people who should post four things about them:

1. Paul
2. Doug
3. Jim
4. Jenny (she'll need something to post here in about 3 weeks)

A Recomendation

So, my blogs are likely to be a bit sparse for a while. My laptop power cord is on the fritz and the $80 replacement cord is a few notches below #1 on my list of monetary priorities right now.

But I came across a freakin hilarious blog while hijacking Jenny's computer this morning. No explanation is needed as I give you an excerpt from Stuff White People Like:

#23 Microbreweries

White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire. Beer is no exception.
They generally try to avoid beers like Budweiser, Labatt’s, Molson, Coors, and Heineken because if it’s mass produced it is bad. No exceptions.
So when they need a beer, they turn to microbrews who seem to be located almost exclusively in New England, Ontario, Quebec and Colorado. Being able to walk into a bar and order a beer that no one has heard of makes white people feel good about their alcohol drinking palate.
A friend of mine once met a white guy who brought a notebook with him to every bar. He would then keep a record of all the beers he drank and his experience with them. He called it his ‘beer journal.’
Also of note: most white people want to open a microbrewery at some point. One that uses organic hops.

#13 Tea

It is a known fact that white people consume, on average 25 different teas in a given year.
Back in the old days, white people would go all over the world to get teas from places like India and Sri Lanka. They were pretty into it and all of a sudden white people are into tea. But as we moved forward, white people were like “man, one kind of tea is not enough, we need more.”
And now people are into Green Tea, Chamomile, Chai, White Tea, Red Tea, Jasmine Tea, Oolong Tea, Black Tea, Orange Pekoe, and other specialty blends. They are even opening stores and websites devoted to sending white people all sorts of tea.
If you find yourself in a situation with a white person, acceptable things to say include “I’m really into tea right now,” or “my favorite thing is to get a nice cup of tea and curl up in a chair with a good book.” But do not remind them about the role of colonialism in tea, it will make them feel sad.

#4 Assists

When you say the word “assist,” first thing you think about is Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky. White people love to pass, it’s no secret.
In basketball, it’s kind of a must so that white guys can carve out a niche and guarantee acceptance on a team. Trying to be a white guy who dunks and stuff is like trying to be a white rapper - yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results.
One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades so passing is a way to make up for it. But more importantly, it makes them feel good to help others.

They are up to 84 entries so far. Check it out, be offended by the truth!