If It's Not Scottish, It's Crap!

For my money, Amazing Grace is the most beautiful song ever composed. If you don't get chills when you sing the last verse of that song you have a wire loose. And when it is played by a pipe band, well few things in this life are more uplifting to me. I'm secure enough in my manhood to admit that I easily tear up to the sound of Amazing Grace on the pipes.

Well kids, I've found what I think is absolutely the most gorgeous rendering of the song. It is performed by the U.S. Air Force Reserve Band and I have never heard a better version. Click on the "for Heroes proved" album with the picture of the F-16 and select the "Amazing Grace" track. It is phenomenal.

If you are into pipe bands yu can also check out their site for a bevy of excellent selections.


Enjoy!

You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin

Val Kilmer was recently asked if he had ever played a homosexual in a movie before.

His response?

"Only if you count Top Gun".


Priceless.

The Quest

OK, so I'm .500 for the playoffs so far. Definitely not impressive, but considering it's my first attempt at picking against the spread in the playoffs I'll take it. So, in my quest for a winning playoff record, I give you my conference championship picks.

Last week: 2-2
Playoffs: 4-4


Pittsburgh (+3) defy Denver (h)

I'm 1-1 with games involving Pittsburgh so far. I really think this game could go either way. If you're a Denver fan you have to be at least somewhat concerned at the prospect of Jake the Snake leading your team in such a huge game. But they are playing at home in front of one of the best crowds in football. As for Pittsburgh, I've already mentioned how much I love Hines Ward and I think it would be great for The Bus to get a Superbowl win in his hometown of Detroit. I have no logical reasoning for my pick so I'm going with the gut. The game will be close but I see Ward making his customary huge plays, fast Willy Parker and The Bus grinding out the clock and Jake the Snake throwing a late interception to The Polynesian Warrior in a pivotal 4th quarter.

Pittsburgh 21-Denver 17


Carolina (+3 1/2) def Seattle (h)

This pick is being made solely on the fact that I have yet to pick a Carolina game correctly. I've gone against them at every juncture and they have pretty much dominated everyone they've played the last 5 weeks, all on the road. That and the fact that Seattle is making their first trip this deep in the playoffs and Carolina was in the Superbowl just 2 seasons ago. Steve Smith continues his domination of the playoffs and scores at least 2 touchdowns.

Carolina 31 - Seattle 24

The Day My Earth Stood Still

Five years ago today I became the luckiest man in the world. She said "I do" and my life changed forever. I can remember watching her on the beach that night while she was dancing at the beach party at the resort and realizing that she was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

It's been five wonderful years and I can't wait to see what the next five have in store. And the five after than, and the five after that and so on.

So here's to the next five years sweet pea. Thanks for saying yes. I love you.

I Love You Too Earl. You'll Be My First

So here we are at week two of the playoff. After a respectable 2-2 record for my first attempt I'm ready for more! Of course I've racked my brain trying to figure this week out and I'm still not very confident. Anyway, based on quotes from "My Name is Earl" here goes.

Last week: 2-2
Playoffs: 2-2


Seattle (h) over Washington (-9 1/2)

"I tried Earl. I did! Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob!."

I have reservations about both teams. Namely Seattle's lack of any playoff sucess and Washington's inability to do anything offensively last week. My heart tells me to go with Gibbs' Redskins on this one but I just don't think they have enough to even keep this one close. Seattle gets it's first playoff win.


New England (+3) over Denver (h)

"Earl, the feel of your hands on my body just feels right."

I just can't bring myself to pick against the Pats until someone beats them in the playoffs. Denver and Indy are both capable of doing it but I'm not about to go against Brady and Belichick with as well as they have things going lately.


Pittsburgh (+ 9 1/2) over Inianappolis (h)

"I don't want to. I really don't. Your'e a good friend of mine. I don't want to burn your testicles."

I'm breaking one of Simmons rules here but I think Indy wins a close one. I think 9 1/2 is too high of a line. Indy is coming off the bye week preceeded by 3 weeks of meaningless football to end the regular season. Indy moves on in their quest for the title but I think it's by a touchdown or less. Should be a very exciting game to watch.

Chicago (h) over Carolina (+3)

"If you snatch enough purses, you learn a thing or two about mace."

Another hard one to pick. Chicago's offense scares the crap out of me but their defense scares the crap out of the other teams. Plus, Carolina is not up to 3 straight good games. They are bound for a stinker sooner or later. I'm going with sooner. Chicago wins, setting up their upset of Seattle in the title game.

Hollywood Hates Dwight

Why does Hollywood hate me and others with this wonderous moniker? I'm sure no one else has noticed since no one I know has my name but anytime a TV show or movie has a character named Dwight they are always either an annoying loser, a deadbeat or a child molester. I first noticed it on "Roseanne" with Dan's deadbeat car mechanic buddy and it has continued through today where you can find the name attached to the annoying ass kissing know-it-all on "The Office." You'd think a name shared by a freaking President would have a little more positive cachet. But no! And to top it off, whenever I tell someone my name over the phone at work do you know what there first question is if they aren't sure what I said? "Oh, like the country singer?"

Yes, I have the same first name as an obscure yet talented country music singer. It gives me great comfort to know that so many people immediately think of Dwight Yoakam when hearing my name and not the man who led the Allies to victory in WWII or served in the highest office of our great country. Well, I guess at least they don't compare my name with that of a washed up, coke addicted ex-baseball player.

Rant over.

I think I peed myself a little

Thanks to Doug for a The Funniest Blonde Joke of All Time


Lauging make me giggle.

Highway to the Danger Zone

Before I get started I just have one thing to say.
Pat Robertson is a moron. I mean come on. How can someone in his position be that off base about God? Mrs. Robertson, The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your son is dead because he was stupid.


Anyway, since the Dawgs and Falcons completely let me down last weekend I will now turn my attention to the NFL playoffs. I will try my hand at picking against the spread. Remember this is a first attempt so don't think this is advice. Here we go.

Ghost Rider you are at two miles, call the ball.

Roger Ball.



Washington (-3) def Tampa Bay (h)

I think Joe Gibbs finally got his team together. Bascially two average teams that play good, solid, hard nosed football. It will come down to the coaches and I'm not about to pick Gruden over the hall of fame Gibbs.

New England (h) def Jacksonville (+7 1/2)

New England has pretty much had their way with oponents lateley (except Miami) and their opponents have been stronger teams. Jacksonville has struggled with weaker opponents. Plus, Tom Brady is so money he could take the pass at the admiral's daughter (Penny Benjamin) and not catch any flack for it.

NY Giants (h) def Carolina (+3)

Carolina had two good weeks in a row to end the season. That's more than they've had all year. I don't see a third week. Tiki runs wild.

Cincinnatti (h) def Pittsburgh (+3)

Easily teams 2 and 3 for me behind Atlanta, due mainly to the amount of ex Bulldogs on the rosters. I think this year David Pollack and Odell Thurman and the Bengals defense shut down Hines Ward and the Pittsburgh offense. It's actually hard to make this pick because Ward is by far my favorite NFL player. An ex Dawg who is hard nosed and as old school as they come. You just know he relishes every minute on the field.

Well, there they are. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to put on my Ray Ban aviator glasses and go listen to some Kenny Loggins.