Random Thoughts While Home Alone

- Did Data and his family still move to Detroit after the Goonies found all the rich stuff?



- How would you build a snowman? Would you build him tall, or would you build him not so tall?



- Have you ever noticed how a lot of the George Lucas movies reuse the same sound effects. I noticed that Boba Fetts scream from RTJ is used in all 3 of the Indiana Jones movies.




- Why did they have to go change Bristol? Now it's just a short track version of all those boring California, Texas and Chicagoland races.



- Would you name him Bill, or would you name him Beouwulf?



- Why did they have to go change The Bourne stories so much for the movies. I mean, is there a more kick ass character than Jason Bourne? Why did they have to water him down for the movies and throw him into generic car chase scenes.



- Along the same lines, when is John Clarke getting his movie? I'm ready for Without Remorse. We need more Tom Clancy movies.



- I think Andi was a complete slut. I mean after school she was riding around in Troy's convertible, later that day she was jumping all over Brand's jock then that night she licked the chrome off Mikey's braces. Whore.



- The Mines and The Cinematics, September 11th at the Intersection. Please go, support two great bands.



- What's in the boooooooox?!? What's in the f***in boooooooooooooooooox?!?



- Slider or Iceman? Iceman was way cooler but Slider had a much better tan. Wait....what? ummmm.....next question



- If the X- wing is shaped like an X, the Y-wing was shaped like a Y, the A wing sort of looked like an A, then I have one question...........Why is the B-wing shaped like a T? Come on George, you can do better than that. Oh wait, I forgot who I was talking about.



- Spadoinkle

Um.........

Now, I'm a Braves fan; Should I think this is kind of cool or should I be completely embarrassed. I mean the song is not that bad. And it's always fun to see the crazy things people do to support their sports teams.

Ah hell, Go Braves!!!

The Land Without Cable

Jenny and I have been without cable for a week. We finally got sick of dealing with Comcast and decided to go through with the plans we had been talking about for a few months. Let me say, we waited way too long to get rid of the worthless time wasters that come with the cable box.

So we've gotten out a lot more, seen more of the town and actually went to a museum! Of course it was the Van Andel so we paid $8 each for something that took less than 2 hours to get through.

I've gotten some more reading done. I need to get some new material, I started several books the last few weeks but none of them have grabbed my attention. I've started put together a model car, so that's been kind of fun. I've had to relearn a nice little thing called patience, something I typically don't have a lot of. I'm also getting a lot more practice time in on my guitar. I really can't believe how much time we wasted in front of the boob tube.

So today we got to take the nephew to John Ball Zoo. For those that have been there before let me tell you they've added quite a few more exhibits. It's actually worth a visit. And it doesn't smell too much like monkey piss anymore!

Well that's what we've been up to. Now the real test is coming. Can I get through college football season without cable? Time will tell.



And Finally, here's some video that falls under Mr. Chris' "Things that Make Me Feel Silly When I Say 'I Can't Do It'". Thanks to Newmyer for the link

Don't Worry, I'm Not Dead

Wow, I have been away for far too long. I'm sure I wasn't missed too much. Things have been pretty calm on the home-front. After the holiday things calmed down to a pretty slow pace; pretty boring actually. We've been exploring our fine city from our new dwelling, located conveniently close to downtown. I did however get to see The Mullet a week ago. Always good to run into old friends.

I've picked up the guitar again for the first time in 6 years. I want to kick myself for getting away from it for that long. It's like I parted ways with my best friend then crossed paths with them again years later. I didn't appreciate the experience at the time but now that I'm back on board I can't believe I let it get away in the first place. Unfortunately I now have to relearn about 3/4 of the stuff I learned back in the day. I've picked up a few good blues licks this week though and I'm torturing Jenny with a couple of lead licks that I've been practicing every day.

I almost hate to admit it but I finally got run over by the Harry Potter bus. I had conveniently avoided the books and movies all these years until I got sick a couple of weekends ago. TNT had the first 3 films running on a marathon and since there was nothing else on at the time I took a gander. Now I'm hooked. Perhaps I'll even get to see the new one at the theater. I doubt it though. And speaking of movies, DO NOT watch "The Number 23" with Jim Carrey. If you feel the urge to do so have a friend or family member lock you in a dark room full of spiders and shards of broken glass for two hours. It will enrich your life much more than said movie.

Well, I guess that's enough for my boring life update. Hope things are going well out there in the land in which my friends dwell.

Oh yeah, one more thing. We went to a Whitecaps game with the Dornans and my sister recently and you'll never guess what happened.

WE CAUGHT MARIE LAUGHING!


I know, it's rare but it happened. You can see for yourself:

I Just Watched The Original Star Wars Movies Again and Something Doesn't Make Sense

Thunder in the Sky

Hello.










So the beautiful wife and I spent Saturday at the Battle Creek Air Show. It's become something of an annual event for us. 5 hours of beautiful sun and the marvel of mechanized flight.






One thing I can't figure out though; every airshow I've ever been to has 4-5 of the aerobatic prop plane
demonstra-
tions, yet after seeing 1 or 2 you've seen everything they have to offer. Why do they need so many? Saturday was one of the worst. There were 5 different aerobatic acts, two of them flew twice and two of the invidual planes flew a second act together for a total of 8 aerobatic segments. I mean i can only see so many hammerhead turns and snap rolls before it all runs together.








Luckily the day culimated with the Blue Angels. I have now seen both of the U.S. precision jet teams, the Canadian team and the Italian team at various airshows and I have to say, the Angels are my favorite. Sorry Dougie, the AF Thunderbirds are phenomenal but there is just something a little extra about the Blue Angels show.




All in all it was a good day of airborne testosterone. Have I mentioned that I love summer? As usual, there are pics of the weekend at the Flickr banner to the right. As an added bonus, I will treat you to my first ever attempt at video documentation.

Let's Talk About Music

Wow, I think I'm gonna remember this summer. I've been floored a couple of times lately with some of the new tunes out there. I feel like the world has suffered from a dearth of good old fashioned rock the last few years but that seems to have rectified itself this year somewhat. Let's just say that Ike is happy.



So, on to my recommendations.



#1 - The White Stripes: Icky Thump

These guys have slowly grown on me album by album. I've always enjoyed the idea behind their music (no fluff, no extras, just a dude, a chick everyone thinks is his sister {she's not, they're actually married, he took her last name} and some straight up rock). However, the first album didn't really hit home for me. The next couple started to inch their way into my playlist but now they have kicked down the door and announced their new gig as my house band.


I'm now on my third or fourth time through the album and I can't pick out a bad song. It's an incredibly eclectic grouping of songs and styles, even for a weird band like this. Everything from a celtic ditty, some country and good old rock. It makes my heart glad.

The title track is pretty durn good but check out "Prickly Thorn" and "Catch Hell Blues" too.

Also, I have to say, if I had to pick any rock star I would want to be I would have to say Meg White, just on the fact that I think it is somewhat attainable for someone with my talent. I mean, I could almost play the drum tracks to every song they have ever put out. Yet somehow the incredibly simple drums are extremely effective and she's married to one of the most talented musician in quite some time. I mean the dude produced an album for Loretta Lynn at her request. That's cred, I don't care who you are.


My second and final recommendation for the day is a single. And let me tell you I am giddy about this one. Ladies and gentlemen, at #2 I give you:





# 2 The Smashing Pumpkins: Tarantula (Zeitgeist)



Welcome back Billy!!!!! Oh how I have missed thee; and not just from the layoff between records, I've missed the Billy Corgan of Siamese Dream and and Gish. I may be overreacting to my joy at a great, straight forward, ass kicking offering from the guitar gods but this one may rank at the top of my Pumpkins play list. Great guitar licks, driving rythym and those creepy Billy Corgan eats small children vocals. Billy, after all these years you once again have my undivided attention. Please don't let me down again.


Well, that's it for now. Fell free to argue my points. That's the great thing about music. It can be so many different things to so many different people.





Oh yeah speaking of rock, for those of you that know The Todd, I found him on Wikipedia this week! He's listed as the drummer on the page for Big Fil. Yes, Big Fil has it's own Wikipedia page! It's one of the benefits of having the next Billy Graham as your lead singer.

Restless Musings

I'm picking my way through Donald Miller's
"Through Painted Deserts" (Thank you Chris and Rie). It's really hitting home in a way I had not anticipated. I've really been struggling lately with a restlessness about life in general. Moving into this house has stirred something deep inside, something that has tired of the repetetive day to day grind of work, eat, sleep, repeat. There is something more out there for my beautiful wife and I. Something more than 20 minute commutes and reruns on the boob tube. Just the simple act of moving into a new home with the accompanying chores and responsibilities has brought this into sharp focus. We've been in a rut lately; no we've been in a rut our whole lives. How many of us just cruise through the week waiting for the weekend, only to waste it in front of an electronic box that provides meaningless, fleeting entertainment. How much more is out there?

I've lived my entire life between imaginary boarders, the Mississippi river to the west, the Carolinas to the east. Only twice in my entire life have I ventured outside the boarders (and actually, the trip to Jamaica fell inside them, just further south). I want to see more. I want to know more of God's creation. I want to meet new people, seek out new civilizations, boldly go where.............sorry, I got carried away, but I think you get my point.

So hopefully I'll have the nuts to act on these urges. The first step was getting into this house, experiencing the joy and responsibility that comes with the house, the yard etc (hooray for lawn mowers!). Next stop, who knows?!? It's kind of exciting, this venture towards the unknown. Maybe someday I'll get as far west as Iowa!!

(P.S. - Dougie, I'm going to climb a mountain with you buddy. If I have to inch my homebodied, midwestern ass to Colorado, I will climb a mountain with you. I swear this on the name of my father Domingo Montoya......er......Dennis Wade.)

All Moved In!

Thanks again to all of you who helped us move in. Also, thanks to Chris for helping me change toilets.

Well, the last week has been eventful. We had no water all week. The water company came out Tuesday and switched out the cracked meter. Of course once we got the water turned on we found several leaks in the pipes. The plumber couldn't make it out until last night but we finally have running water. Huzzah! Of course, we also have a nice hole in the bedroom wall courtesy of the plumbers attempts to access the frozen pipes.

We spent the day in the yard with Jenny's parents. We are slowly getting all the weeds out of the flower beds and getting the grass under control. We're also starting to make the place feel like our own. Jenny has done a heck of a job getting everything unpacked and sorted out. She definitely has some interior designer in her blood. I would hate to see how the place would look if I were to decorate it.


So the plan for the summer is to get the upstairs painted, get some new window dressings and lay some new temporary carpet in the living room. If anyone wants to help just give me a call. I'm offering beer and burgers as incentive.

As usual, more pics can be found at the Flickr button to the right.

Good Evening

Today's Mood - Exhausted
Today's Music - Kings of Leon "Knocked Up"

Hello everyone. Just a quick post to let you all know I'm still alive. Jenny and I moved in to the new place Saturday and it's been a crazy couple of days. No water, no gas and we just got the phone and internet hooked up today. The toilet is cracked in our bathroom so I'll be replacing the toilet as tomorrow so we can actually use it once the water comes back on.

All in all though we are exstatic to be in our new house. It's small but it sure beats the heck out of a small 1 bedroom apartment. We're looking forward to reapainting all the rooms and putting our own touch on the decor.

If you are looking for something to do this summer stop on by. I'm sure we can put you to work. Don't worry I'll cook you some of my famous hamburgers. (Doug - is that enough to get you to visit again or have you perfected the recipe yourself?)

Well, I'm off to enjoy my new house. Ya'll have a great week!

UPDATE: I just came across this clip. I have not laughed this hard in a long time

Why I Love My Wife

For some strange reason I bought a can of sardines today. I talked Jenny into trying it with me and she proceeded to reenact Tom Hanks part of the above scene, sneezing, newspaper and everything. She even made me nod my head in reassurance before she would take the pretzel off the plate I mean I'm supposed to be the dork that does stuff like that.

Impressive. Most impressive.

By the way, sardines taste just like salmon. It was quite a tasty snack. Just in case you were dying to know.

Hapy Birthday!

30 years ago today, God reached down from the heavens and gave us the second Greatest Story Ever Told:










Most uneducated humans will tell you that George Lucas was the one responsible for this Sci-Fi masterpiece. But recent evidence (i.e. Episodes I, II, and II) has proven conclusively that Mr. Lucas is just another delusional egomaniac that refuses to see his role as a mere tool in God's great plan to bless the nerds of this world with the greatest villain of all time.



So, on this holiday weekend, take a minute to thank any vets who cross your path, have a spirited discussion with a friend about the ramifications of Luke's creepy, incestuous kiss with Leia and throw down a couple of Colt 45's for Lando.

May the Force be with you. Always.

Warning, If You Press Play Your Brain May Explode

Someone Call Child Protective Services!!!!

Their parents should be thrown in jail for allowing this to happen.

We're Moving!!!!!

Yes folks, it's true. As of June 1, 2007 Kung Fu Christmas will no longer be headquarted in Kentwood, MI. We will be moving further into the bowels of the great city of Grand Rapids. We thought we would share a few pics of our first house with our friends. If you want to see more click on the Flickr banner to the right.






These gorgeous hardwood floors run through the entire upper floor.















The lady who lived here was bit of a pack rat. Jenny's aunt inherited the house when she passed away so there is a bit of cleanout to do.















This my friends is an incenerator. Yes, Dwight will have access to an incinerator. Let the carnage/good times begin!

Spider Man Can Kiss My Ass (Sorry Chris)

OK, here's a litte pet peeve of mine. It was brought to the forefront this weekend with all of the reports of Spider Man 3 "shattering" box office records with the money it took in. Every summer we get a report of another "record setting" box office draw but there is no mention of ticket sales or prices adjusted for inflation. I mean, Pa Ingalls could buy a horse for $1, does that mean horses are more expensive today? No, of course not. Yes, Spider Man 3 made a bazillion dollars last weekend, but you can't compare the $8.50 I paid for my ticket to the miniscule prices people paid in the past. So I decided to do some checking. Do you know where the original Spider Man ranks among movie earnings adjusted for inflation? 27th, that's where. Spider Man 2? 35th. What about Titanic? Supposedly the highest grossing movie of all time? Only 4th. In fact, of the top 25, only 3 have come out since 1990. Just for fun's sake here is the list of the top 5. Pay close attention to #2.

List of highest-grossing films (adjustedfor inflation)

1Gone With the Wind (1939) $4,399,710,937.01

2Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977) $2,652,849,500.35

3Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) $2,425,862,786.99

4Titanic (1997)$2,292,444,182.33

5The Ten Commandments (1956)$1,452,133,080

And here's some Jimmy Fallon / Star Wars just for fun

Guilty Pleasure Alert

I have a confession to make. A deep, dark secret that shames me to my core.


Are you ready?


OK, here we go.


I've been listening to Petra.






I know, it's devastating. I can't believe it happened. I mean I didn't mean to but they had a song on a compilation album I picked up cheap. You know the kind, a bunch of Christian Rock bands played at some festival somewhere and they made a promo CD with singles from each of the bands that played. I bought it for the Kutless and Thousand Foot Krutch songs a few years ago. Then, last week I let the whole thing play through and when I got to the last song I heard this really cool guitar lick, and I'm just a sucker for a catchy guitar lick. Then it happened. Those cheesy 80's lyrics with the crappy rhyme scheme and the faux Robert Plant voice. I was hooked. It was just too damn fun. I couldn't turn it off. Then, before I could stop it, my hand reached down to push the rewind button and it started all over again. I knew it was wrong, but DAMN it was oh so fun. I mean, it's Petra man. PETRA! I felt like i was 10 again. Of course if I was 10 I probably could have written better lyrics but I'm not here to judge. I'm here to sing the guilty pleasure praises of that bastion of "Christian Rock". I mean come on, they had a keytar and everyone knows that's just awesome.


OK, now I feel better. My secret is out. If you never talk to me again I'll understand. But at least I'll have cheesy 80's God Rock to keep me company.

One Post, Two Completely Unrelated Topics

Question: When did it become OK for adults to start wearing backpacks? I'm not talking about campers or hikers or other outdoor types; I'm referring to the mass of humanity that trudges back and forth to work everyday. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the idea. After all, carrying the weight of your daily workload is much more comfortable when spread evenly across the shoulders and back as opposed to slung unevenly on one shoulder or dangling at the end of your arm as necessitated by the more traditional briefcase. I just know that until recently backpacks on a daily basis were typically utilized only by those with no more life experienced than the RA at your local 4 year college. Now I see executives at the office trudging in from the parking lot with their belongings slung neatly between their shoulder blades. Did someone send out a memo that failed to make it's way to my desk or was this more of a spontaneous shift in trends? Oh mystery of mysteries!

So I almost went to school at Virginia Tech. I had an offer for a partial scholarship there but I decided I would rather stay close to home and go to CMU. I know, dumbass move, but its long over at this point. Anyway, this minuscule attachment to said university piqued my attention yesterday when the first reports came out about the shootings and I've followed the regular updates with the feverish devotion only possessed by someone who almost went somewhere, this one time like 10 years ago. So with that backdrop of my connection to the story I have this to say: PEOPLE ARE STUPID!

No, I do not refer to the jackass that shot a bunch of defenseless students and teachers, I refer to the morons that have jumped on the Blame Everyone bandwagon over the last couple of days.

Hey! You! Yeah you, the lemming that can't think for yourself, here's what happened - A psycho fell off the deep end and took a lot of unfortunate, innocent people down with him. That's it. Stop blaming all of the people that really had nothing to do with the situation. I've heard you blaming the school for not shutting down the campus after the first shots at 7:00. You're right, anytime someone gets shot in a town of 25,000 residents we should just shut everything down, lock everyone in their homes and hope the bad guy goes away. I'm sure the school president even has a magic button that can lock down the whole area too. He probably should have used that.

Ugh, I can't handle this blame crap anymore. No matter what happens, everything has to be someone else's fault. I can't wait for the inevitable tie in to movies, music or video games that is sure to come. They've already laid out the fact that this guy was a "loner" like that makes him a killer automatically or something. I'm sure Marilyn Manson, Master Chief and the Goo Goo Dolls were his only friends and they surely drove him to kill. (Yes, the Goo Goo dolls are evil and Johnny Rzenik is the son of Steve Spurrier, like you didn't know).

Look, there are undoubtedly several reasons this guy snapped but here is the kicker, no matter what he did he was one person. No one thing made this happen and no amount of finger pointing and blame is going to help us single out the next one. Why are we using all of our energy to make mostly innocent people look bad instead of concentrating on the families that suffered a loss yesterday.

It just continues to amaze me how this supposedly Christian country continually falls on the negative side of every story. If our actions really do paint a picture of God for the world to see then I don't think He's going to want to hang it on the fridge when we bring it home.

Wow, sorry about that. I just sat down to type and this is what came out. OK, rant over.

Bring Back The Keytar!

This is Mutemath.





Big ups to Chris and Rie for turning us onto these guys. These videos don't even come close to doing them justice. Best.....Show.....Ever!

Florida Family Fun For Five Fabulous......um......People

Well I'm home and mostly rested. For those that didn't know or chose not to read my last post Rachel and I flew down to Florida for the weekend and surprised mom. I still have no idea how we pulled it off. Rachel bought the tickets at the first of the year and somehow neither I, Rachel, Paul or Dad slipped up. Not that there weren't close calls but as you can tell in the video in my last post she had not even an inkling we might be coming. The trip was worth it just for the sheer Chuck Norris level awesomeness of the surprise.

Of course, an added bonus was the four days in sunny Florida. The parents put in a pool last year and we took full advantage of it. I spent a good 2 hours reading on the pool deck and swimming with the dogs Saturday before I realized that I was in fact out in the sun and with somewhat (read extremely) pale complexion I had to get in the shade.




We got to hang out with my aunt Deborah and my cousin Erin too which was cool. The only time we've seen them in the last couple of years has been during weddings and funerals when there was not time to visit. Of course, the wimps thought the 70 degree weather was too chilly. Rachel and I laughed at them regularly.

I picked up a couple of good books from the old man. It helps to have one who works for Borders and gets advance copies and whatnot. He also managed to score me a baseball signed by Derek Jeter. His store is a mile from the Yankees spring training facility and they get players in all the time. I'm not a Yankee fan by any means but the guy is from K-Zoo and seems like a pretty cool guy so I'm kinda pumped. But here's the kicker from this story, the week before Jeter was in the store that giant pusbag prima-dona known as A-Rod was in the store signing copies of his children's book. Some kid brought in one of his baseballs but the jackass refused to sign it. I guess the kid just dropped the ball on the floor and took off. My dad picked up the ball and when Jeter came in asked if he would sign it. One more example of why Jeter is currently working his way through the Hollywood A-List dating service and A-Rod is destined to wind up pinned beneath the wheels of a truck full of cow manure. Karma's a bitch dude.



Well anyway, the weekend was a big success. Sunday night even wound up like one of those movie scenes where the family gets together for the first time in years and has one of those crazy nights where everyone acts like they're all on one of their old childhood vacations. Of course, it helps when Rachel and I have the combined maturity of an 8 year old but one thing is for sure, us Wades know how to have a good time.

Unfortunately we also know how to eat and Florida is chock full of great places to practice our art. Let's see, Chik-fil-A and chinese food on Friday; killer seafood and mom's spaghetti followed by 2-for-1 Guinnesses and fried alligator bites at the bar on Saturday; waffles, omelets, leftover chinese food and salmon patties on Sunday with everything finished off by a trip to Denny's before we left for the airport on Monday. I'm afraid I gained back a few of those pounds I lost. But when I only get down there once every year or two I'm going to enjoy the culinary offerings. I'll just have to hit the treadmill a little harder for a while.

One more thing; are you guys aware that Detroit sucks? I mean come on, is there a more worthless city? Does anything work in that town other than the Tigers and the Red Wings? Wow, not my favorite place. Can you tell we had a few problems while flying out of the lovely motor city? I mean the hotel we got on Thursday night had a 12 bullet point leaflet in the room with tips on how not to get robbed while staying at the hotel. Holy crap. Not cool.

Well, thanks for stopping by. For your troubles I give you the greatest music video of all time.


GET HIM A BODY BAG JOHNNY!! YEAH!!!